20 Random Things on Single Life in a Pandemic

Photo by Drew Coffman on Unsplash

1. I can create and complete a mile long daily chores list, but writing more than one blog entry per year was apparently too much for me in 2021.
2. Grocery stores are the closest thing to human contact and everyone hates everyone. (Please be kind to grocery staff, they are not compensated enough to live, much less act as de-escalation specialists or ad hoc therapists.)
3. Picking up new hobbies involving yarn is a cinch; practicing pushups is so complex I need 75 minutes of YouTube instructions and still can’t manage to do a single one.
4. I despise the I-5. I hated it two years ago when I was trapped living next to it, and I still hate it after moving 3.5 hours north where I’m yet again trapped living next to it. A constant VWAAAAAAHM is the underlying sound of my life.
5. My dog and I are far too synchronized.
6. The library is my very best friend. I go to sleep with an eBook, I wake up with an eBook, I take breaks with an eBook, I eat lunch with an eBook. Oh and I do chores, crafts, drive, walks, and exercise with audiobooks. I heart you this much, library.
7. Having a friend or family member to drive you home after an outpatient oral surgery or colonoscopy is an adulthood requirement I wasn’t prepared for. I’m going to declare this insufficiency applicable to mammograms when the time comes.
8. Cleaning vinegar should not be the single most difficult item in my life to source locally.
9. My social and emotional impairments are not nearly as pronounced as the world made me feel three years ago. Now everyone is going to need substantial interventions in order to reintegrate with society. Just wait for when the confusion on social norms hits en masse.
10. Toilets are where trust issues first develop.
11. Video-based social gatherings are great for already connected people, otherwise it’s a whole lot of trying to walk the fine line between being the Kool-Aid Man and a fly on the wall.
12. Parks are so flipping important. All these McMansions and no one thought to keep a shared outdoor community space during land development planning in the event a pandemic forces us to practice safe distance socializing for 2+ years of our lives? Seriously, people.
13. I have the incredible skill of taking action at the exact worst possible time. If you want to get rich, follow me around and bet against me. Tips appreciated though, still working off student loans.
14. When it comes to making new friends, how do you do it? Asking for a friend.
15. If you are not a professional landscaper, you should have all your gas-powered lawn equipment taken away. Also, it does NOT take 35 minutes to blow dirt and leaves around your 15' driveway. Please find a less intrusive hobby.
16. Behind the scenes of Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube plant enthusiasts lives a significant amount of Amazon waste.
17. I genuinely thought I was all in on making my own personally-designed, custom-tailored and self-sewn clothing. A month into mask-making changed my mind.
18. Going so long without having conversations with others has left me stressed for the day when I’ll be in-person, communicating about non-work details of my life. There is a torrent of weird information that no one is prepared for, and I am so, so sorry, future person.
19. Looking forward to mop day is not healthy.
20. I’ve finally accepted the utility of a chef’s apron. I get to spend a whole lot less time removing grease spots from my shirts, freeing me up to do all the wild activities I’ve got lined up for myself these days.

Thanks for reading! I realize things aren’t great for many people in the world, so take a moment to breathe. We’re all doing the best we can right now, and it’s important to remember this fact when we reach out to one another, regardless of the space we’re in when doing so.

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